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Kid Temper Tantrum VS Marshall Applewhite
Note: This fanfic contains religious context, and may not be suitable for everyone. Viewer discretion is advised. Dad: So we are at Rancho Santa Fe, California because, well, you explain it. Leland: So there's this cult group called Heaven's Gate that believes in crazy s***. Here is more info on their beliefs on this Wikipedia page: Heaven's Gate members believed the planet Earth was about to be "recycled" ("wiped clean, renewed, refurbished, and rejuvenated"), and the only chance to survive was to leave it immediately. While the group was against suicide, they defined "suicide" in their own context to mean "to turn against the Next Level when it is being offered" and believed their "human" bodies were only vessels meant to help them on their journey. In conversation, when referring to a person or a person's body, they routinely used the word "vehicle". The members of the group added -ody to the first names they adopted in lieu of their original given names, which defines "children of the Next Level". This is mentioned in Applewhite's final video, Do's Final Exit, filmed March 19–20, 1997, just days prior to the suicides. They believed "to be eligible for membership in the Next Level, humans would have to shed every attachment to the planet". This meant all members had to give up all human-like characteristics, such as their family, friends, sexuality, individuality, jobs, money, and possessions. "The Evolutionary Level Above Human" (TELAH) was as a "physical, corporeal place", another world in our universe, where residents live in pure bliss and nourish themselves by absorbing pure sunlight. At the next level, beings do not engage in sexual intercourse, eating or dying, the things that make us "mammalian" here. Heaven's Gate believed that what the Bible calls God is actually a highly developed Extraterrestrial. Members of Heaven's Gate believed that evil space aliens—called Luciferians—falsely represented themselves to Earthlings as "God" and conspired to keep humans from developing. Technically advanced humanoids, these aliens have spacecraft, space-time travel, telepathy, and increased longevity. They use holograms to fake miracles. Carnal beings with gender, they stopped training to achieve the Kingdom of God thousands of years ago. Heaven's Gate believed that all existing religions on Earth had been corrupted by these malevolent aliens. Although these basic beliefs of the group stayed generally consistent over the years, "the details of their ideology were flexible enough to undergo modification over time." There are examples of the group's adding to or slightly changing their beliefs, such as: modifying the way one can enter the Next Level, changing the way they described themselves, placing more importance on the idea of Satan, and adding several other New Ageconcepts. One of these concepts was the belief of extraterrestrial walk-ins; when the group began, "Applewhite and Nettles taught their followers that they were extraterrestrial beings. However, after the notion of walk-ins became popular within the New Age subculture, the Two changed their tune and began describing themselves as extraterrestrial walk-ins." The idea of walk-ins is very similar to the concept of being possessed by spirits. A walk-in can be defined as "an entity who occupies a body that has been vacated by its original soul". Heaven's Gate came to believe an extraterrestrial walk-in is "a walk-in that is supposedly from another planet." The concept of walk-ins aided Applewhite and Nettles in personally starting from what they considered to be clean slates. In this so-called clean slate, they were no longer considered by members of this Heaven's Gate group to be the people they had been prior to the start of the group, but had taken on a new life; this concept gave them a way to "erase their human personal histories as the histories of souls who formerly occupied the bodies of Applewhite and Nettles." Another New Age belief Applewhite and Nettles adopted was the ancient astronaut hypothesis. The term "ancient astronauts" is used to refer to various forms of the concept that extraterrestrials visited this planet in the distant past. Applewhite and Nettles took part of this concept and taught it as the belief that "aliens planted the seeds of current humanity millions of years ago, and have to come to reap the harvest of their work in the form of spiritually evolved individuals who will join the ranks of flying saucer crews. Only a select few members of humanity will be chosen to advance to this transhuman state." The rest will be left to wallow in the spiritually poisoned atmosphere of a corrupt world. Only the individuals who chose to join Heaven's Gate, follow Applewhite and Nettle's belief system, and make the sacrifices required by membership would be allowed to escape human suffering. And what we are gonna do is confront them and try to get them to be normal. Lil Uzi Vert: And I will come because I am an expert of these sort of situations. Leland: Now where is the mansion? Dad: I think it's this one. Leland: Why? Dad: Because it clearly has the Heaven's Gate logo. Leland: Well thanks, Captain Obvious! Lil Uzi Vert: Lets go! The 3 enter the house. Marshall Applewhite is seen at the entrance Marshall: Welcome to the Heaven's Gate party, where everyone is allowed, regardless of who they are! Dad: Well what exactly do you do here? Marshall: Well I am the founder of this cult- I mean, group. I've traveled to all of California as well as Oregon to alert the public about the aliens! Lil Uzi Vert: Well when they do come, how are you and your followers gonna leave? Marshall: Uh... how about you 3 drink the Coke while I prepare for a speech? Dad: Sure, I guess... Later... Guy: Ladies and gentlemen, please be quiet and listen as our founder Marshall Applewhite speaks! The audience applauds as Marshall get up on the podium Marshall: Greetings my friends. Now, earlier we got the scare of our lives when Comet Hale-Bopp, or as I like to say "Unholy Comet", skirted across the sky. This gave us a big shock and we thought the aliens have arrived, but it turned out it was a false alarm. The audience chanted "F*** HALE-BOPP!!!" while they applaud Marshall: Now, I am positively sure that aliens have officially came! The crowd gasps Marshall: Now, let me show you what it looks like. The projector shows a chrome-like alien dancing on a green screen Marshall: The alien had been seen first in Coke County, Texas, and is now spreading all across the country and even the world! The crowd screams Marshall: But don't worry! My man Jesus has our back! Here is a VHS tape he gave me to let us know what to do in these types of situations! Marshall puts the VHS tape in the VCR and presses play. The videos starts in a green background with yellow text saying something If the Earth has been invaded by earth, never fear! This video will teach you how to escape the earth and be free from an alien invasion. First, you will be given a drink to drink. If you pass out, don't worry. That just shows that it worked. Now you should see a door. Open the door, and you should be in space. If you end up in hell, you did something wrong. Get out, then close your eyes for 10 seconds, and open the door again. Repeat the steps said before this sentence until you get to space. Once in space, your new goal is to get to Planet 7Yg6be23A, which is 100,000 light years away from earth. But do not fear. You will become immortal at this point, and you won't feel any pain. I'll see you all in 7yg6be23A. Staff members give the people a purple drink Marshall: Now it's time we get out of this s***hole and move to 7yg6be23A! Leland: NO!!! The crowd gasps Marshall: Why not? Leland: BECAUSE THIS IS ALL BULLS***!!! YOU MAKE SOUTHERN BAPTISTS LOOK SANE IN COMPARISON!!! AND GET SPOOKED OVER A MEME?!?! WHAT THE F***?!?! AND WHAT THE HELL IS PLANET BLAH BLAH BLAH?!?! YOU MADE THAT S*** UP!!! Lil Uzi Vert: And did I mention that the song that was playing in the background was Money Longer? A song I'' made? Dad: And Marshall, you've had a history of breaking the law and flat out saying that XXXTentacion was the son of Satan! You and your followers are crazy and need help! ''Silence Marshall: What the f*** did you just f***ing say about me, you little b****? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the f*** out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my f***ing words. You think you can get away with saying that s*** to me? Especially in a great moment in my group? Think again, f***er. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're f***ing dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable a** off the face of the continent, you little s***. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your f***ing tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will s*** fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're f***ing dead, kiddo. Leland: (laughing) Are you serious? You ain't gonna do sh- A huge bomb hits the mansion and destroys everything within 0.5 miles of the mansion. Leland, Lee, and Marshall are the only remaining survivors Dad: OH. MY. GOSH. Leland: YOU IDIOT!!! YOU KILLED LIL UZI!!! Marshall: THAT'S WHAT YOU F***ERS GET!!! Leland: YOU KNOW WHAT?!?! THIS IS FOR LIL UZI!!! Dad: In 3, 2, 1... Leland punches Marshall so hard, he is put in a coma Dad: Weird. I thought you were gonna say Allah Snackbar! Leland: Well I'm working on not saying it at all! Dad: Well lets go! This has been a disastrous, and probably the most offensive thing we've ever done in KTT history! See Part 2 here Category:Fanfic Category:Kid Temper Tantrum Category:Trip Disasters